May 1 , 2014

I was wearing a pair of Dawgs tonight, you know, those sponge rubber shoes, that if you wear often enough, make your feet so tender you can't even step on a popcorn kernel without cringing to your knees in pain. Some people know them as crocks, Dawgs are a brand name and they have a number of small paw prints on the soles. If a tracker was tracking you he might think a herd of Mexican Cheewawas were stalking you.
Anyways, I was wearing a pair of Dawgs on my way down the stairs when one of them slipped off and caused me to lose my footing. Hoping to avert a catastrophe I grasped the railing. Unfortunately for me it just popped off the wall like a pushpin out of drywall. Lucky for me it swung so hard against the opposite wall as to put a hole right through it and wedge itself there. Once again Albert's equation comes to mind. There was a build up of energy as the mass of my body gained velocity. The railing bowed just like a bow ready to release it's arrow. I've sometimes wondered when you jump with a bungee cord, if, at the exact moment it reaches it's limit and begins to retract, you could release it and drop to the ground unharmed. You would need precise timing, that's how I felt when the bow of the hand rail reached it's limit, however, I missed the opportunity and was flung back toward the wall from whence I had started. The good news was I was headed upward, the bad news was I hit my head with such force it put another hole in the drywall. I understand that when you're unconscious you sometimes do better in a fall. I was on the basement floor when I woke up not too bad for wear. I know science has told us we only use 10 % of our brains. I'm starting to think mine uses about two and a half. As I was laying on the floor, 96% of my brain should have been saying, "Eddie boy, it's time to call it a night." Instead the other 2 and 1/2 was saying. "Hey, Eddie boy, I think we got time to finish installing the bathroom sink.
Next thing I know, I'm lying on my back trying to wedge myself through the opening under the sink. E=mc2, that's the one. My feet and legs were providing the energy, my shoulders were the mass, but, I'm telling you there wasn't any speed. Not until that middle support between the doors broke. Then there was speed, I shot into that opening fast, the only thing that slowed me down was my head hitting the drywall again. That's when I saw it, the light at the end of the tunnel, I know some people say don't go toward the light, but, I was just going to take a quick peek. That's when I took the blow to my eye. Turns out, the light was coming from the upper end of the drain pipe. I thought the tunnel looked a tad tight but in my defense I didn't think the body came with. I could be a freak in a circus show. HALF MAN HALF RACOON. Instead I'm just another guy with a black eye. Anyway, I have to go I've got a couple holes in drywall to fix.

Have a great day

Loved