Some time in August

I know, I'm really late. That's what happens when your life passes before your eyes.
I like people, I just don't like them in large numbers. It happened the July 1st weekend, which was my first mistake, visiting Halifax on the July long. I was minding my own business, standing on the end of Purdy's wharf on the Halifax Harbour. I'm not saying I'm not a tourist, I'm jut not a good one. A hoard of them swarmed Purdy's in a mad rush to see all they could see in the shortest amount of time. In their rush they bumped me off the end of the wharf. YES! Into the North Atlantic. First thing I realized when I hit the water, after how cold it was...I lost my hat. When I fought my way back to the surface, it was floating a few meters away. Just then one of those life savers hit the water a few meters on the other side. Priorities. I didn't want my head to burn. By the time I dog paddled to my hat the life saver had drifted into the current and was heading east, the numpty who threw it to me forgot to tie off the other end so it's on it's way to Scotland. Lucy, if you find a lifesaver on the East Sands, it's mine. Now I've pretty much dog paddled my self to exhaustion, thus, my life passing before my eyes incident. You know, it's the usual, breaking my nose ( three times in six weeks in grade one), getting a fish hook in my leg and hoping my sister didn't notice, meeting Deanie, having kids and grandkids, you know, the whole nine yards. I'm just thinking about the next reunion I'll miss when I start to go under. Of course! The last thing I see is my pet peeve, probably bothers me more than the lint in the dryer bothered dad. People's litter floating on the water, damn humankind. Hey! There's a carton floating with a French fry in it, it has gravy and a cheese curd with it...Ha! Poutine, my last supper, just before I head under. I'm going to do it like in the movies, leave one hand up 'til the end. What's this? Just before it joins the rest of me it grabs another piece of litter...a plastic water bottle. Huh? I stop sinking, it's helping me float, I see another one, ha, ha, water wings. There's another and another, they're all over the place, I start slipping them under my shirt and up my pant legs, I'm so buoyant I look like the Michelin man, my clothes will be dry by the time I walk to shore. God bless humanity.

Have a great day