I stepped on the scale the other day and realised creeping obesity had been doing some sprints, I felt it necessary to go out for a brisk walk. I knew it was cold and I should have known better when I opened the front door and even the air itself rushed in to get warm. Hey, "it's a dry cold" and "you can dress for it". I put on long johns, a long sleeve t-shirt, a sweater, a bunny hug (hoody everywhere else in the world), a fleece, a windbreaker and my coat, I looked like a sumo wrestler. All bundled up I drove down to the park to walk the lake. My scarf was pulled up over my cheek bones and my toque was pulled down to my eyebrows, the viewing slot didn't afford me the vision to notice the trees were bent over backward from the wind, had I not started out with it at my back I may have cut my walk very short. When I reached the half way point and turned back the wind hit me hard, bashing at my face and body, the "wind chill" caused the temperature to drop about 30 degrees. My breath froze my scarf to my face, ice cubes formed in my nostrils cancelling any sense of smell, my breath now had to escape through the crevaces between my nose and cheeks creating a fog, further deminishing my vision. My fingers and toes soon became so numb I lost my sense of touch. My head was so bundled I had no hearing. It was like I was moving through the park in a sensory depravation tank. Then it happened. Even though my already impaired vision was further distorted by the icicles hanging from my eyebrows, I'm pretty sure those were my own boots I saw in front of my face. That was just before I hit the ground. Black ice! Hey, I still have one of my senses, I bit my tongue on impact and I could taste my own blood, yeah, I know, that's not a new experience for me, that's a given, but I still don't like the taste. Vampires are just weird. So I'm laying on my back like a lady bug, my extremities are moving furiously but I'm not going anywhere. My coat is like the cloth version of whatever it is they finish snowboards and skis with, there's no friction, I'm motionless. I'll have to wait until someone comes along to push me to bare ground. That's a problem, it seems I'm the only numpty (only Scottish word I know really fits here) in the park today. Survival mode! I thrust my toque up into the air like a wind sock and wham, the wind catches it, it billows out like the main sail on the Santa Maria. Ha! I'm Sailing! Sailing across the ice to bare ground. Just call me Popeye.

Have a great day.

Loved