December 01 2018

Episode 9

Working in the lab late one night

Sounds a little ominous. Was I up to some nefarious plan, ha, ha, ha.? Nah. It wasn't that kind of lab, it was a lab in a brewery, there were some test tubes and a few beakers, but there wasn't anything like a Tesla coil to shock life into some Dr. Frankenstein type creature. The day shift had just left for the night and I was to install a new vinyl asbestos tile floor for them. You read it right, asbestos. I installed a ton of it over the years, cut it, sanded it, even burned it off the floor at times, lucky I'm still walking the planet. Any way, that's why I was in the lab. This lab had one of those heavy metal doors, you know, the ones with that thick glass and the grid of wire mesh embedded in it. We had removed the pins and shifted it slightly to the side so we could end the floor halfway through the threshold. As I was laying tile some security numpty decided to enter the room through said door. We've all seen these security guys, they come in all sizes, the whisper thin little guy with the sinewy muscles, he's up and down you and has you on your back before you could explain you had forgot to remove the hat you had tried on before leaving the store. Then there's the ripped muscular guy who wouldn't notice you leave the store after forgetting about the hat because he's too busy looking at the reflection of his physique in the store windows. The old guy who is wheezing so hard after catching up to you, he has time to listen that you forgot you had the hat on,and, not only that, he's old enough to know it happens. This guy wasn't one of those, this guy could have been the Pilsbury dough kid's father. He was tipping the scale somewhere between OMG that's heavy and we're gonna need a bigger scale. This guy couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag, he wouldn't even be able to get his hand out because the opening would be too small and he wouldn't let go of the donut. To his credit, he realized his mistake immediately. Too bad he wasn't strong enough to stop the door, too bad he hung on to it as it crashed down on top of me, adding to its massive weight. S700, that's the adhesive we used to install VAT. It was a black emulsified glue that when it dried became highly tactile. I was able to role to my back before I hit the adhesive, had to protect my nose, you know. I'm not sure how heavy the door was, but the security guard was one of those 300 plus, plus pound editions, more on the softer side too. I became well imbedded in the glue. We had to cut my t-shirt off so I could climb out of it, it was stuck to the floor, along with a good amount of my hair, I still have a bald spot, it was the only way to get off the floor. I used to have long hair too. Some of it is probably still under the tile. The safety officer started shrieking at me for working without a shirt, I had to duct tape some paper sheets to cover my body to finish the job. Deanie just shook her head when I got home, my two little girls ran to get their paints.

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