October 1 2012

Accident free for the entire month of September.

Loved

SEPT.1 2012

 Unloading the loader yesterday the chain binder snapped on me and drove my funny bone into the loader bucket, which is about as immovable as any object not bolted in place, my arm went numb from the elbow to the fingertips. I realized the fingertips still had feeling when, my arm, ricocheting along the deck of the trailer, a fingertip picked up a sliver. The good news is I didn't need a tweezer to get it out. The bad news is it was closer in resemblance to a stake. Left quite a gouge, luckily it's not the finger still healing from the last mishap, it's on the other hand actually. Oh, that funny bone business, there's nothing funny about it.

Have a great day

Loved

August 2012

Ya know, life isn't fair. All of you probably knew that already. I mean, you smash your finger in the tail gate of your gravel truck, you not only have to suffer the pain but you have to endure the humiliation of being dumb enough to have injured yourself that way. Next you have to deal with the frustration of not being able to use the finger properly for the next few weeks while the pain subsides.Then, then, just when you're ready to use it again, you have this nail flopping around, threatening to drop off, except only 93.5 % is ready to fall off, the other 5.5 is settled in to the nail bed like a bad molar in a healthy jaw bone. Now with a rogue nail ready to take out an eye when putting on your glasses or nip your juglar while adjusting your shirt collar you have to deal with it. You cut it back as best you can but you're left with the 5.5% that has that little hook that catches everything in the vicinity, slipping on a t-shirt, it catches the sleeve and you find yourself in a Brazilian Ju-jitsu arm lock, blowing your nose, you're left with a shredded tissue and a palm full of boogers. COME ON!
I know what you're all thinking too. You're saying, oh boy, Edweirdo is so flustered it's messed up his mathematics, his numbers don't add up, but you'd be forgetting the 1% I burned away with that paper clip.

Have a great day

Loved

Happy Canada Day!

Now listen, try not to misunderstand what I'm about to say. I have nothing against birds, in fact I think highly of them, they are quite the creature. Just imagine back an eon or two ago when we slithered out of the primordial ooze and started the process of natural selection and we selected arms how the little microbes beside us must have thought, "THEY SELECTED ARMS , THEY SELECTED ARMS ,GO FOR THE WINGS, GO FOR THE WINGS." Now, I will admit wings would make it much tougher to to pick up that morning cup of coffee for that caffeine buzz, but I've flown in my sleep and I gotta say skimmimg the tree tops and swooping down a valley wall tops any caffeine buzz I've ever had. The thing is, at four eleven in the morning, I know it's 4:11 because my evolutionary clock has a digital display so there's no mistaking the time trying to make out the pathetically lit ' glow in the dark ' hands of my old analog. So once again the thing is, it's eleven past four in the a.m. and there's a bunch of birds in the back yard yapping, "We're going flying today, we're going flying today, o-boy, o-boy, o-boy, o-boy. we're going flying today, but not for a couple hours so we'll just sing until then". Little bustards.

Have a great day

Loved

June 1 / 2012

I would like to talk about the simple paper clip and it's use in the medical field. I'm not talking about it's use to hold together reports of a patients history, or by straightening the ends the loop formed can be used to clean wax from an ear canal, of course, I suspect all doctors and nurses would frown upon that practice, besides a bobby pin works as well if not better. No, no, what I'm talking about is it's use as a surgical instrument. You may scoff or have your doubts but I have first hand expereience, the first hand being my right when it comes to tasks requiring manual dexterity, and my right being the one I caught in the door of a van many years ago. You don't need to know the details of the accident, besides they were lost in the mind numbing pain. Anyway, back to the paper clip, oh first I should add, the pressure of the blood building up under the finger nails and having no where to release causes memorable pain. You can actually count your heart beat by watching your fingertips. I seem to remember brushing the hair from my brow, yeah, yeah, I know, but it was that long ago, catching the bright flashes of my fingertips in the rearview, I thought the cops were pulling me over. Back to the paper clip. At emergency I was ushered into a treatment room and the nurse left a paperclip on the table, hum. A few minutes later the doc came in took a quick look at my fingers, squeezed them so I would fall to my knees in pain. He wanted me closer to the floor in case I fainted from the sight of blood. He should have read the Antonini name on the folder, if you were an Antonini and passed out every time you saw blood you would have missed seven of your first ten years. Then the next thing he did, without a word of a lie, was heat that paper clip to a glowing red hot and proceeded to pop it through each finger nail, the ensuing fountains of blood and the release of pressure delayed my amazement. Yes sirree a surgical instrument.
You might ask yourself, how does he remember after 40 years? Glad you asked, because the other day my finger was caught between a rock and...well, another rock. Lucky for me it only pinched the skin, the nail was safe, but the resulting blood blister reminded me of the paperclip incident. You would have thought I would have been more careful the next day when I was trying to release the locking clamps on the gravel truck the tailgate slammed on my finger...nail.They say in certain instances a persons reflexes are like lightening, unfortunately for me they needed to be like greased lightening, which supposedly is very much faster. Now, I don't know why a person hops around on one foot after smashing a finger, perhaps the concrentration it takes to hop across a gravel pit on one leg some how deminishes the message of pain the synapses are emitting. It would have worked to if I hadn't gone over on my ankle.
Anybody out there got a paper clip and Bunsen Burner, oh, and a tensor bandage and maybe a crutch?

Have a great day

Loved

I had good intentions. Deanie went away for the weekend and my plan was to paint her bedroom while she was gone, it would be a nice surprise. The moment she left I started getting it ready, tapping off the trim and moving the furniture around. The lighting in our bedroom is poor so I set a trouble light with a bright halogen bulb on the floor shining at the first wall. It went great, the paint rolled on evenly and covered the existing color completely. Second wall. Move the light, yep, this is when things turned. I have to ask, what genius invented the hellogen bulb. I only touched the casing surrounding the bulb, and, I only used my index finger and opposable thumb, which us primates are so proud of. Also, I only held it for a nanosecond before dropping it, not only were my finger and thumb burned, my other fingers, my palm, wrist and half way up to my elbow were also. I headed to the medicine cab for some solarcaine, it's supposedly better than the butter we use to use as kids. I was lathering it on when the smoke alarm went off, yep, Deanie's favorite bedspread was on fire. I'm actually pretty good at putting out fires, i think most of us Antonini kids are, although there's a couple that may be better at setting them. I grabbed the extinguisher from the hall closet with my nondominant hand, because the other was burnt, and proceded to drop it on the hardwood floor, not before trying to stop it with my foot of course, now I know why firemen wear steel toed boots. I hobbled the fire out and in all the commotion lost track of that bulb, it had fallen off the bed into the can of paint, it had manage to boil off the paint before shorting out. I may have inhaled a little too much smoke, i wonder if the ambulance could make a stop at Wal-Mart, they sell paint, bedding and steel toed shoes.

Have a great day
Loved

April 1